Wednesday 29 October 2014

District Sports - Darts

It’s worth pointing out that being Consort to the District Governor isn’t just about  Gala Dinners and Charter celebrations. Sometimes you have to be seen at less glamorous events, attended by ordinary Rotarians. So it was, that on 28th October I was to be found representing Shepperton Aurora in the first round of the District darts tournament, without a dignitary in sight, apart from me. The venue for our match was the Three Horseshoes pub in Shepperton. As anyone knows, the top darts players all have nicknames,  alluding to their skill and athleticism. Typical examples are Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor , or Bobby ‘Dazzler’ George. So it was with the Aurora ‘B’ team, which comprised ‘Dead-eye’ Doreen Pipe, Peter ‘Double Tops’ McDonough, Ann ‘Monsoon’ McDonough  and of course myself, the Crafty Consort.

                                                The Three Horseshoes Pub

I had been a bit surprised, to be honest, that I was only in the Aurora ‘B’ team. Surely, it would have been more appropriate for the Consort to be in the ‘A’team.  Regardless of my undoubted ability, due to having played darts for some 45 years (admittedly with a 42 year gap in the middle), the fact that I was in the team would probably have caused great nervousness in our opponents which could have been crucial when it came down to the final shoot out. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I was at least captain of the ‘B’ team, so I had some status on the evening.

                                               Aurora's 'B' Team looking forward to victory

Our opponents for the evening were Shepperton & Sunbury ‘C’ team, comprising Sandra Brassington, Pauline Knox, Joy Painter and Vivienne Leighton. Although they were a team of WAGs, I cautioned my team not to take them lightly, as I suspected some of them could play a bit, having encountered them previously on the ‘Oche’. 

                                                     A set of darts

We were a little outnumbered on the evening, as we had just one supporter, whereas they had 8, but I feel it is the quality of the support rather than the quantity that matters, and I was happy that Ken Howe would make sufficient noise to counteract our opponents. The match was to be decided by the best of three legs, each starting from 501, and we got off to a great start, with a brilliant finish by yours truly on double 2. Professional darts players pride themselves on a nine dart finish, but in our case it was just slightly higher than that, at around 200 darts.

                                       The dart that won the first leg

At this point, with Aurora ‘B’ team leading by one leg to nil, we stopped for refreshments, supplied by the pub at £4 per head. The food turned out to be incredibly good value, with great plates of sandwiches, chicken pieces, pork pies, mini pizzas and mini quiches.  Just in case that wasn’t enough, Sandra had brought in some home made scones, which were absolutely delicious. Try as we might, we couldn’t finish all the food, which was then passed around the pub and enjoyed by a group of men watching football.

                                          Excellent food supplied by the pub

Our team, particularly me, may have over-indulged with the food, as we were a bit lethargic in the second leg, and instead of finishing off our opponents, we lost the leg following an excellent double 9 from Sandra, and so the match went to the deciding leg.  It was nip and tuck all the way, with little to separate the teams, until we were both down to double 1, and after quite a long time, Shepperton and Sunbury finally broke the deadlock with the winning dart. They progress to the next round, whilst we look forward to revenge next year.

                           The winning team from Shepperton & Sunbury: Sandra, Pauline, Joy and Vivienne

The evening didn’t end there, as Peter ‘Double Tops’ McDonough and I were challenged to a charity match by Chris Leighton and John Brassington. Each team member contributed £1 and the winners got to pick the charity to benefit from it. Once again we were pipped by the Shepperton & Sunbury pair in another tight match where we had ample opportunities to win it ourselves, but squandered them. I think the winners chose End Polio Now as the charity to be supported, and that is probably what we would have chosen if we had won.

                                The Crafty Consort lines up another treble 20


There are many District Sports (not usually too energetic) and they are an excellent chance for clubs to meet socially and have a fun evening, as we did with our Mother club that evening.  Other sports played include Bridge, Cribbage, Dominoes, table tennis and ten pin bowling. All clubs have to do is get a team together, appoint a captain, then advise the District Sports Secretary, who will organise dates. It’s very easy, costs very little and is much recommended.

                                           Aurora 'B' Team with fan club

Friday 24 October 2014

30 Years of Rotary at Kew Gardens

22nd October, I attend a black tie event at the prestigious Fulwell Golf Club and the DG tagged along. The occasion was the 30th anniversary of Kew Gardens Rotary Club receiving its charter.  The club boasts the current  President of Rotary in Britain and Ireland (RIBI) Peter King as one of its members, and Peter was not  only accompanied by his charming wife Di, but also his daughter, who was born at the time the club was having its inaugural meeting. So she is the same age as the Rotary Club, a true Charter baby. It was good that there were 3 founder members of the club present tonight, including Peter King and DGNN Jim Onions.



                                Fulwell Golf Club

I am becoming used to mixing with Rotary big wigs, and this evening was no exception. At the champagne reception on arrival I chatted to Peter King, immediate past RIBI President Nan McCreadie, past District Governors Ron Daniels and Mike Thorn, future District Governors Frank West and Jim Onions, last year’s conference chair Alan Lewis and his lovely wife Mollie, and the Presidents of several local clubs. It was also nice to catch up with my great friend the IPC Helena Daniels, who kindly shared with me her photos of the Conference earlier this month  (what a good invention Dropbox is). All the while we were entertained by the Jake Fryer duo, who entertained us with their jazz music at the DG handover at Halliford School in July. They sounded just as good indoors.

                            Birthday balloon for Kew Gardens

When the time came to take our seats, I was gratified to find I was on the top table, with Kew Gardens President John Fletcher, the charming Mayoress of Richmond Councillor Jane Boulton and her husband David, local businessman Colin Squire, chairman of the Squires Garden Centre chain (and also a member of Twickenham club) and Charles Baroudi, Assistant Governor for  the Richmond area and of course the DG. What a group of top people – there wasn’t even room for Peter King.

                         John Fletcher welcomes guests

John Fletcher explained how difficult it was to get into Fulwell Golf Club, and it was only because one of the club members was also a member of the golf club, that the venue could be used. The mayor’s consort, who has lived nearby all his life, surprised me when he said this was the first time he had ever been to Fulwell Golf Club. The mayoress, who we had met a few weeks ago at the Richmond Hill Hotel, explained what a busy job it is, being mayor. Today, for instance, she was in her 4th change of clothes! However, she wasn’t complaining, it was quite clear that she was enjoying every minute of her year, which is equally true of the DG.

                             Mayoress Jane Boulton with consort David

The dinner was worthy of the occasion, with a superb chicken liver terrine, followed by an enormous piece of beef with roast potatoes and veg. Now I am an aficionado of roast potatoes, and I am not easily pleased, but I must say that these were excellent. Not only that, but the waitress came out with extras, which I shared with Charles. After the main course we had a choice between apple pie or cheese and biscuits. I had great difficulty in choosing, so I took Charles’s lead and had them both.

                          Peter King talks about the history of the club

After dinner, we were entertained by a talk from Colin Squire about the history of the Squires Garden Centre business, which was founded by his father DJ Squire in the 1930s, and now has some 15 Garden Centres  and rose, herbaceous and bedding plant nurseries spread across West London and Surrey, employing 700 people. DJ Squire  was made redundant in 1935 from his job as groundsman at the Police Orphanage in Twickenham, but with a young family to support, he needed to find work. So he literally got on his bicycle and set up business as a jobbing gardener in the Twickenham area, doing landscaping and working in private gardens. Over the years the business grew, and grew. We heard how, in the war years, his nurseries were completely given over to vegetable growing. 
Eventually in 1964, they started their first garden centre in Twickenham, which remains today, and gradually more were opened, in Shepperton, Badshot Lea and many others. Not surprisingly, horticultural retail has become the most important part of the business.

                            An entertaining talk from Colin Squire

Colin told us some amusing anecdotes about his time in the business, including some problems they had with Father Christmas. At one time it was traditional for the local Fire Station to provide transport for Santa as he arrived at his grotto in the Garden Centre. One year, however, there was a ‘shout’ and the firemen had to rush off to deal with a fire. As Colin said, it was not only disappointing for the children waiting, that Santa was an hour late, but imagine what a surprise it was to the householder, who had Father Christmas turn up to put out his fire. On another occasion, at Shepperton, he thought it would be a good idea if Santa arrived by helicopter. It was apparently a windy day, and it was a bumpy ride for Santa, who had never been in a helicopter before. As crowds waited for the aircraft to land, Santa got out, and was promptly sick!

                         The DG with Colin Squire

Following Colin's talk, the  DG had a part to play in the proceedings, as she presented a framed 30th anniversary certificate to President John Fletcher. Then Jane Boulton, the mayoress,  proposed a toast to the the Kew Gardens club, who were congratulated by everyone present, and after a few more mercifully short speeches, the evening drew to a close. It had been very enjoyable, and the sort of prestigious event that I think someone of my status should be attending more often.

                            The Mayoress is very complimentary about Rotary

                        The DG presents certificate to John Fletcher

Thursday 16 October 2014

Rotaract Gameshow Mash Up

Saturday 11th October. I accept an invitation from Camberley Rotaract to a fund raising event at Collingwood College. The DG accompanied me, because one of her additional duties is Liaison Governor for Rotaract in RIBI and consequently she is always keen to support their activities. The event was called a Gameshow Mash Up, and to be honest I really had no idea what to expect when we arrived. Rotaract is for 18-30 year olds so I had every expectation that I wouldn’t understand half of what was going on.

                                            Collingwood College Camberley

We arrived a little early, as we had brought with us our Rotary club’s microphone and speaker system to help with announcements, instructions etc. It was as well that we had arrived early, as I had assumed that, being young, they would know how to assemble my sound equipment. This proved not to be the case, and I spent the next 30 minutes hunched over a couple of complicated-looking boxes, various cables and leads and the microphone itself. I knew I had all the components, it was just a case of working out which lead went where, which switches to press, and which dials to turn. Eventually after much trial and error, and people looking over my shoulder making helpful suggestions, I made the right connection and the microphone boomed into life. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I put the unwanted bits back into the box. It was then that I discovered a laminated sheet giving precise and easy to follow instructions on how to assemble the kit, which should take about 30 seconds

                                         Setting up the electronic equipment

By this time the bar was open and I was delighted to see a barrel of Hogs Back beer, so enjoyed a pint whilst I got to know some of the Rotaractors, who were working with amazing speed, making the final preparations for the evening. If only Rotarians could work at such speed. The Club President is Will, whom I had met previously at my official visit to Camberley Rotary Club, and others I spoke to were Zoe, Emily, Dan and Beth. I only know their first names, as they don’t seem to use surnames very much in Rotaract. The event was organised to raise funds for a local charity called Step by Step.

                                           The all-important bar

With preparations complete it was time to sit down. Each team of six had its own table, and there were around 12 tables laid out around the hall. The charity Step by Step had brought a team and had their own table. Our team comprised the DG and me, Chrissie Lawson (the president of Camberley Rotary Club), and three of her friends, one of whom was a former colleague of hers at Farnborough College. With a great deal of thought, our team was called ‘District and Camberley’.

                                          District and Camberley team

 I soon learnt something about the format of the evening. It was basically a mixture of elements from a number of TV game shows, including Countdown, Play Your Cards Right, and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. There was an ongoing quiz whereby you had to solve clues stuck to walls and furniture around the room, the first letter of which were an anagram for another word. On the table as we sat down, were a picture quiz, whereby we had to work out film titles from posters, and another where we had to work out which musical various songs are from.

                                          A cake stall - there was an excellent apple cake

I thought we got off to a good start, as between us we knew 19 of the 20 musicals, and about 17 of the films. Countdown was a general game for the whole room, whereby everybody was given the same letters on a screen, and we had to make the longest word we could from the letters. Then we did a number challenge in the Countdown format, and one of Chrissie’s friends was particularly adept at this. There followed a lively game of Play Your cards Right. The rules were easy. A card was displayed, and we had to individually guess if the next one would be higher or lower. If you were wrong you sat down until the last one standing was the winner. Other games were played, similarly easy to play but surprisingly hard to win. I’m normally quite competitive, but as the evening went on, I increasingly realised that I didn’t have a clue about our team’s position in the competition, so like everyone else I just enjoyed the fun of it all.

                                          An on-screen question

Refreshments were provided half way through in the form of a ploughman’s, which the DG was particularly delighted with. Often at such events we are given fish and chips which she hates getting. It’s not that she dislikes our national dish, it’s just that when several dozen plates of fish and chips are delivered together, quality can suffer somewhat. The Ploughman’s, served buffet style, was very enjoyable and there was plenty for everybody.

                                              A ploughman's platter

We had a presentation from the homeless charity Step By Step, who were being supported by revenue from this evening, telling us about the good work they do in finding accommodation for homeless young people, and training them with skills required in the workplace. They have been going for 20 years and work  mostly in Hampshire and Surrey. Their mission is ‘to empower homeless people and those facing adversity to achieve their full potential’.

                                           A presentation from the charity

The main event after dinner was ‘I’m a Celebrity’, by which a volunteer from each team was blindfolded and had to fish pieces of a jigsaw puzzle out of a bowl of something that felt like vomit, and another team member had to assemble them. I don’t know why, but I volunteered to be blindfolded, although I’m not sure a picture of me poking around in a bowl of vomit, is a suitable image for someone in my position. We didn’t win this game although I’m sure I got all the pieces out. It must have been my assistant who failed to assemble them. Maybe she didn’t want to touch them, and I wouldn’t blame her for that.

                                        Why did I volunteer for this

There was a large raffle at the end of the evening in which I had invested heavily, but received a nil return on my investment. However, I was pleased to see that a good sum had been raised for the Charity, and they were clearly delighted with it. As the evening drew to a close, I went up to make sure I retrieved every piece of my sound equipment, as I would have been in big trouble at our next club meeting, if it was incomplete.

                                                   Trying to assemble the pieces


It was an enjoyable event, and I enjoyed the company of my fellow team members and of the Rotaractors. The beer was also very good.


Wednesday 15 October 2014

Bristol Conference 2014 Day 5 - The Final Countdown

After a very short sleep, the final morning of the Conference dawned. I couldn’t believe it was Sunday already, it had been such a frenetic time. Things were calmer in the Executive Dining Room for breakfast this morning, partially because some of us were nursing hangovers, and also because Mike Thorn decided we didn’t need a meeting to discuss the day ahead. In fact from an organisational point of view everything had gone swimmingly, which is a result of a good Conference team, all carrying out their duties quietly and efficiently.  Everybody I spoke to  said they were enjoying the Conference, some saying it was the best ever. We had been able to have a slight lie-in this morning, as the next session was  a little later, at 9.30.

                                                 I arrived early to make sure I got a good seat

I was determined not to miss the start of this session because the first speaker was Sophie Lasek, the Queens Guide from 1st Sunbury Girl Guides, who had spoken to us at Shepperton Aurora previously, and blew us all away with her energy and enthusiasm for Guiding. Both the DG and I wanted her to speak at the Conference, and she was one of the first bookings we made. Karen was hosting her, and I met them both outside the Conference Hall. Sophie said that her boyfriend’s Aunt lived in Bristol and she was staying there for the weekend, although we had offered her a room in the Hotel and a place at last night’s Gala Dinner.

Can you see me?

The morning’s proceedings opened with Mike once again forgetting to ring the bell until he was reminded, and David Thompson, the MC fined him accordingly. As David was also Sergeant at Arms for the Conference, he had been dishing out penalties for all sorts of misdemeanours during the weekend, most notably a fine to Jens Erik Rasmussen for wearing blue trousers for his speech yesterday, which clashed terribly with his ‘Light Up Rotary’ tie. This morning David apologised for being late for last night’s dinner, as he had mistakenly strayed into a children’s party, led by Auntie Vivian, where everybody was playing silly games and trying to make music with toy instruments.  His sense of humour and calm demeanour have helped in no small way to the success of the Conference.

                                   Jens Erik in the offending trousers

Sophie Lasek,  the first speaker on stage  did not disappoint. She has lost none of her boundless enthusiasm, but her presentation was much better prepared than last time we met. The main point of her talk is that a girl from a humble background can travel the world, helping others as she goes, and even address the UN, through involvement with the Girl Guide movement. Her first foreign trip was as part of a GOLD (Guiding Overseas Linked with Development) project in Tanzania. Since then she has been to India and The Gambia, meeting many extraordinary people, and helping local girls to enrich their lives through Guiding. She is inspirational, and destined for great things in her life, I’m sure.

                                          Sophie Lasek lights up the Conference

Following Sophie was Liam Hanlon, a speaker found for us by Les Wilson. He is MD of the Forshaw Group, and has used teamwork and Leadership skills gained during his sporting life to raise funds for Charity. Having developed close links with West Derby Rotary Club in Liverpool, he has been fundraising for the End Polio Now campaign. Two years ago he and a team of fellow riders undertook a cycle ride from  the East Coast to the West Coast of USA to raise funds for the Polio campaign, and his entertaining talk took us through that huge adventure which had to be completed in 21 days, as that was the most time any of them could get off work. One amusing thing he told us was that they were half way through the challenge, and struggling against a head wind that had been with them for days, when they discovered that most people cycling Coast to Coast in the USA travel from West to East, as that is the way the prevailing wind blows. Doh!

                                                  Liam Hanlon

The next speaker was a complete contrast.  His opening line caught the audience’s attention, ‘Are you bored in bed on holiday?’ Steve Dobson is another speaker who has been to Shepperton Aurora, and he spoke about unusual hotel rooms around the world. His point was that during a long business career, he travelled the world to business meetings, and invariably stayed in the same magnolia coloured hotel rooms lacking in character, which could have been anywhere. He started seeking out more unusual and eccentric hotels, and found that the world is full of them. You can stay in treehouses, aircraft, caves, lighthouses, even concrete sewage pipes. The possibilities are endless, and Steve shared with us his story of ‘Life Less Ordinary’, presenting a wonderful slide show of some of the places he has stayed at. Steve has published a number of guides to the worlds oddest hotels, the latest being Unusual & Unique Overnight Directory. The DG has a signed copy.

                                          Stay in a Boeing 727 in Costa Rica.......

                                                         ..... Or a sewage pipe in Austria

Coffee break followed, and here we said farewell to Sharon and Tony, who had a plane to catch back to Inverness.  They both said that they had had no idea what to expect from the Conference when they arrived, but they both thought it was great. When we returned to the auditorium, Lynne and Richard joined me as we sat towards the back of the hall, amongst fellow members of Shepperton Aurora,  preparing ourselves for the Parade of the Presidents, which was to be the last thing on stage.
First, RI President’s representative Jens Erik Rasmussen came back on stage to speak to us. This time he took a leaf out of the DG’s book, and recounted the story of his involvement with Rotary. His father being a Rotarian, he was obviously aware of Rotary at a very young age, and as a teenager, his father arranged for him to go on a Youth Exchange visit to Scotland, and also to help organise International  summer camps in his own country. He was in Rotaract for 10 years, and it was here that he met his wife. Since moving on to Rotary, he has been President of his Rotary Club, Copenhagen Strandparken, an Assistant Governor, then District Governor in his own country, and has held a number of other posts in the Rotary organisation. I think he enjoyed our Conference, and I suppose we will discover at some future date his official verdict, which is important for the DG.

                                       Easyjet flies from Bristol to Inverness

Amid tumultuous applause, Ewell Rotary Club won the award for best attendance, judged by the number of members attending as a percentage of their total membership. Ewell seem to win this prize most years, but there was some consolation for Shepperton Aurora, who finished second.
Past District Governor Peter Dancy was next on stage. He is Conference Chairman for the new District of 1145, which comes into being on July 1st next year, following the merger of our District, 1140, with District 1250. The new District will be pretty large, with over 100 clubs and 3,000 members, so finding a venue for a Conference is more tricky, with up to 1,000 delegates  expected to attend. Peter was promoting the 2015 Conference in Bournemouth, and early enquiries indicate there are already 700 wanting to go, so his message was to book early to avoid disappointment.

                                               Bournemouth

Our final speaker of the Conference was  Sophie Andrews of the charity Silverline. The Charity was founded by Esther Rantzen following the loss of her husband a few years ago. She found that there was always someone to do something with, but there was nobody to do nothing with.  Elderly people can be very lonely, especially after bereavement, and Silverline was formed as an opportunity for lonely senior citizens to speak to another human being by phone on a regular basis, daily or weekly. Sophie has herself been a volunteer with the Samaritans for 23 years so has great experience in the needs of lonely and desperate people. Her story, with case histories of people who have been helped by Silverline, some of whom are themselves now volunteers for the Charity, was moving and uplifting.

                                         Sophie Andrews with Esther Rantzen

The final, and noisiest session of the weekend was now upon us, the Parade of the Presidents. One by one, every club president at the Conference was invited to join the District Governor on stage. It is customary for their respective clubs to make a lot of noise, cheering, clapping and whistling to support their president, and of course clubs try and outdo each other. In recent years this has developed into the deployment of noise-making instruments, and this year we had the dubious pleasure of listening to a vuvuzela. I had one of the football horns the DG supplied, as did Lynne or Richard, and others around us had air horns and other gadgets. These were being rehearsed even before the parade started, and I had to turn round and remonstrate with Karen, Doreen and Tony at one point for over-use of their horns right behind me. As they ignored me I made an unsuccessful attempt at confiscating the offending gadgets. They eluded me and continued the assault on my ears, which left me wishing that Brand Richey would come over with his jug of water. Needless to say, there was quite a cacophony when our President Pauline Hedges walked up on to the stage, and we were equally voluble in support of Eric Painter of Shepperton and Sunbury club.

                                        The DG welcomes Presidents onto the stage

As this was the last ever Conference for our District, we then had a parade of Past District Governors, which included our own John Dumbrell, who was DG a few years ago, when we held the Conference outside the UK for the first time ever, in Lille, Northern France. The applause for the PDGs was just as noisy, and I felt it was a fitting end to the Final Countdown Conference.  All that remained was for a few thank yous from the stage, after which we all sang ‘Abide With Me’ and that was that.
Lynne and Richard joined us for a Conference Committee buffet lunch afterwards, following which they headed home. Like Sharon and Tony, I think they enjoyed the Conference. In fact they were asking some questions the other night about the cost of joining a local Rotary club, but felt they couldn’t afford it, which is a shame really. Rotary ought to be affordable for anyone, and I know there are some newer clubs which have dispensed with the weekly meal, thus saving quite a big cost if one attends regularly. Perhaps this trend will continue.

                                The noise is deafening!

Immediately after lunch the DG and Mike Thorn had a Debrief meeting with Holly from the hotel (How impressive that she gave up her Sunday afternoon to meet with us again). Whilst this was going on I headed upstairs to pack up our room for departure. We had been allowed until 3 p.m. to check out of our rooms and it was now 3.15 so I thought there may be a few problems, and I wasn’t disappointed. Firstly my key didn’t work in the room door. I suppose it gets electronically cancelled after one’s check out time. So I had to go all the way down to Reception to get a replacement, apologising profusely for being late out of the room (they were actually very good about it). Once back in the room, it took a lot longer to get everything out of drawers, behind chairs, out of fridges and piled in a tidy heap for the concierge to collect them. Normally the DG is directing operations, but this time I had to think for myself. I’m proud to say that I overlooked nothing, even remembering to empty the safe. Mind you, the car keys were in there so it would have been difficult to overlook. 

                                        Our suite looks clear

During the 20 minutes or so that it took for me to collect everything together, I had two visits from housemaids expecting to find the room empty. Each time I bought myself a little more time with profuse apologies. Eventually I was happy, having checked and double checked everywhere I could think of, and called the concierge. As luck would have it, it was the same man who we had accidentally tipped twice when we arrived. He started loading his trolley with enthusiasm, probably expecting a similar experience this time. I went downstairs with him and fetched the car from the car park (that cost £36 even with the Hotel discount). The concierge and I between us loaded everything into the car (surprisingly it was just as tight a fit as when we arrived, even though were taking less back with us) then I gave him £5 and went to look for the DG. Her meeting had already  finished and she was waiting in reception. I loaded her into the car, then realised the concierge and I had failed to leave a space in the boot for the wheelchair. You’d think he would have remembered that my wife was in a wheelchair, and left a space in the boot accordingly, wouldn’t you? Now he was nowhere to be seen and I had to unload the car, put in the wheelchair, then reload it all on my own, and it was starting to rain.

After that our trip home was uneventful. We quickly found our way to the Motorway, the M4 was kind to us, and we got home just after 5 p.m. The DG had been running on adrenalin all weekend, which kept her going. Now it was all over she was rapidly succumbing to exhaustion. When we got in, she went straight to bed and didn’t surface again until 10.30 the next morning.

                                       A memory of the DG's finest hour

Tuesday 14 October 2014

Bristol Conference 2014 Day 4 - Gala

Saturday began, as did the day before, with a team meeting in the Executive Dining Room. Once again Mike Thorn led us through the priorities for the day, and any problems were discussed. One particular problem was highlighted, in that people were objecting to only having one programme per couple. They didn’t mind sharing a bag, but sharing a programme was a step too far. Couples often did different things during the weekend, so were not together all the time. They nevertheless wanted to know what was on and when.  It was decided that our policy of one programme per couple had been a mistake which would be rectified immediately the registration desk opened.  With regard to the Gala Dinner that evening, it was decided, for reasons I’m not entirely clear about, that there would be no grace said beforehand, and no loyal toast, just the Rotary toast at the end of dinner.

                                       The Conference programme

The Conference was to be under  way at 9.00 a.m. and with almost all delegates having by now arrived, we were anticipating a busy session. The DG was to deliver her keynote speech at the commencement of the session, which her two sisters and their husbands would be present for. Seats had been reserved for me, Sharon, Tony, Lynne and Richard in the front row, and alongside me would be the DG’s guest Les Wilson and his host Neil Rorie from Rushmoor club. Alongside him were Helena  and Ron Daniels with Jens Erik and Cornelia. The DG’s other guest Ken Billington was busy on his Trade Aid stand in the Rotary Showcase, and would be speaking later.

                                                Ron Daniels looks after Jens Erik and Cornelia

                                Waiting for the show to begin - Lynne, Richard, Tony and Sharon

                               The DG practises her speech on Tony, who looks spellbound

There was a 10 minute delay as delegates were only slowly drifting in to take their seats, and the DG quite rightly did not want to deliver her speech to a half-empty hall. Eventually, Mike Thorn declared the session open, remembered to ring the bell, and the DG was introduced. This was her big moment. Having agonised over her speech for some time, she decided to simply tell her story, how she came to join Rotary and what a difference it has made to her life. She read her speech from typewritten notes, saying that she was not an actress who could remember lines, so it was better to read.  During her club visits she has been regularly asking Rotarians why they joined Rotary, but when they asked her why she had joined she always declined to answer, saying that her story would be told at the Conference.  It was an uplifting story of achievement through adversity (the theme of her Conference, in fact) and I think the audience liked it. When she had finished speaking, Lynne leaned over and said we had better stand up. I wondered what she meant until I looked over my shoulder and saw that the DG was getting a standing ovation. How proud of her I was at that moment!

                                                The DG delivers her speech to Conference

The rest of the morning session continued in similar fashion, with one excellent speaker following another. Straight after the DG it was the turn of RI representative Jens Erik Rasmussen, who delivered messages from Gary Huang, President of RI, underlining the theme of Light Up Rotary. Once again I was very impressed with his command of English, even colloquial phrases which come from living here. We later discovered that he came over to Scotland as a youngster on a Youth Exchange visit, which helps to explain his knowledge of English, although not his accent, which had no hint of Scottish brogue.

                                                         Gary and Corinne Huang

Jens Erik was followed by Mark Cunnell, District 1140 Rotaract Representative. Although very nervous before the event, he delivered his presentation manfully, despite the misfortune of having his lapel microphone fall to the floor at one stage. He made some very good points about how Rotary and Rotaract can help each other, although I think he slipped up when he said that Rotaractors can't attend lunch time meetings because they are at work. The inference was that Rotarians are too old to still be at work. On reflection - fair point. He also said that Rotaractors could help Rotarians with IT matters, the inference here being that we were IT illiterate and knew little or nothing about Social Media. Fair point again.

                                                    Mark Cunnell

Next up was Ken Billington, DG of 1070 District, and our guest at dinner the previous evening. He spoke about Trade Aid, a charity that he passionately supports, and he did an excellent job, bringing stories, humour and emotion into his delivery, which certainly generated a great deal of interest in Trade Aid from clubs around the District.  He was followed by the incomparable Andy Reid, who lost three limbs after he stepped on an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) whilst serving with the army in Afghanistan. His story, told in such a matter of fact way, would inspire anybody who had suffered setbacks in their life. He picked himself up, married his fiancĂ©, and had his first child 2 years ago. He has put himself through all manner of gruelling challenges including long distance running on prosthetic legs to raise money for service charities. What impressed me most about him was his refusal to blame anybody else for his injuries. It would be tempting to blame the Government, the army, his officers, for putting him in danger on that day. But he refuses to do any of that. As he says ‘It was my choice to join the army and I knew the dangers.’ When he finished speaking, the room rose as one to give him a standing ovation, which went on for a good minute or so.

                                            The DG with Andy Reid

The next two speakers after the coffee break were invited by the DG after we had heard them speak at the District 1250 Conference last year. We thought they were absolutely fantastic then, and they didn’t disappoint today. Chris Connors, a hairdresser, took a group of trainee hairdressers to  a remote part of South Africa a couple of years ago to try and help a group of young children, all suffering from AIDS, who were living in an orphanage. He was moved to tears by what he saw and as a result set up Coco’s Foundation, which takes young people from the UK out to Africa where projects to help children like these are undertaken. Most of the audience today were also moved to tears.

                                                          Chris Connors with friend

Then came Jane Walker MBE, who 12 years ago set up the Philippine Community Fund, to help families living in utmost poverty, eking a living from what they can find on municipal rubbish dumps. Her story was both shocking and uplifting, and her charity has been instrumental in ending child labour and protecting children from the human trafficking industry for over 12 years.  At the time she first went to the Philippines , she was a well paid senior executive for a chain of newspapers in the Midlands, but chose to live among the families of squatters living and working on an open dump. In 2008 she was awarded an MBE and in 2009 was made UK Woman of the Year. She now lives in Manila, where she is a Rotarian, and in 2012 was made a Paul Harris fellow.

                                           Jane Walker at her stall in the Rotary Showcase

The final speaker of the session had been eagerly awaited by everyone. George ‘Johnny’ Johnson is the last surviving member of the famous 617 Squadron, nicknamed The Dambusters, who launched the audacious raid on German dams in the industrial Ruhr valley in 1943, using bouncing bombs designed by Barnes Wallis. Johnny was a bomb-aimer on one of the 19 Lancaster bombers that took part in the raid. He is now 93 years old, but stood squarely in the middle of the stage, supported only by his walking stick, and had the audience spellbound as he spoke about life in the RAF during the war years, and how they seemed to literally fly by the seat of their pants in those days, without any of the equipment and systems that modern pilots take for granted. His aircraft was crippled by anti-aircraft fire whilst returning from the raid, and they only just managed to get back to home soil. Although the raid was not decisive in the context of the war, Johnny feels that, coupled with our success at Alamein a few months earlier, the Dambusters raid did raise morale in Britain and consequently helped to tilt the fortunes of war in favour of the Allies.


Johnny had obviously been standing in one position for too long, because as he turned  to receive a gift from the DG he stumbled into her. She was able to support him whilst help arrived in the form of Chris Connors, who showed amazingly quick reactions as he bounded onto the stage and helped Johnny into a seat. It should have been me jumping on to the stage, as I was probably closest to the action, but at that very moment I was fiddling with the camera to get a shot of him shaking hands with the DG, so I missed the incident completely. Anyway, if I had seen him stumble, I would probably have made things worse by tripping in my haste to get on stage (I have form in this regard, just ask Denis Fuller’s friend Peggy).

                                         RAF legend meets Rotary legend

The session finished at about 1 p.m. and Sharon and Tony headed off to the  SS Great Britain where they were going to meet their son Ben. Lynne and Richard stayed to join is at the VIP lunch, which was a sandwich buffet. After lunch they went out to explore Bristol, whilst the DG and I went back up to our suite for a couple of hours well-earned rest before the evening activities. Jens Erik and Cornelia were much more energetic. They took a taxi to the Clifton Suspension bridge, about 3 miles away, and walked back.
                                                      Clifton Suspension bridge

The evening was to start with the DG’s reception at 6.30, followed by the Gala Dinner at 7.30. Invitees to the Reception were all the Club Presidents present at Bristol, together with first time Conference-goers and DG guests. Obviously we had to be there to meet people as they arrived, so we aimed to be at the Reception room for 6.20p.m. This Conference was being run, as you can see, with military precision. Ron  Enticott came and collected the jacket I was lending him, and a bow tie. I also gave him my old dress shirt, to try and save him buying a new one but mine had a 16⅟₂ collar and he takes 17⅟₂, so he didn’t think it would fit. Pauline Hedges had been at work during the morning and was staying with her brother in Bristol. She was due to arrive at the Hotel at about 5 p.m. and we offered our room to her to get changed in. All our guests were meeting in our room before the Reception, so it was going to be busy.

                                               The DG with Jens Erik and Cornelia

As we all know, ladies need a lot of time to get ready, and the bigger the event, the longer it takes. So, at 4.25 I was advised that the bathroom had been commandeered from 4.30, leaving me just 5 minutes to have a shower and get dressed. Fortunately I achieved the deadline with 2 minutes to spare, and I was then ready to supply the DG and any other visitors to our suite with refreshments. We had brought a lot of wine and beer with us, so were well prepared for visitors. As it happened, no visitors arrived until 6 p.m. the first being Pauline, who needed our room and bathroom, so it was the DG’s turn to be turfed out. Whilst Pauline was getting ready, Sharon, Lynne, and their husbands turned up, followed by Les Wilson, Ken Billington and Elaine Sefton.  Pre-Reception drinks, therefore got under way at 6.10 and the DG and I had to go downstairs five minutes later. The sisters and husbands came with us, as did the DG guests, leaving  just Pauline to shut the door behind her.

                                                 Elaine and Ken

We took the lift down to the DG’s reception, arriving at the allotted hour of 6.20. A few people were already forming an orderly queue, and also waiting for us was another DG friend, Martyn Harwood, and his lovely wife Jill. Martyn is Governor of District 1100, which is the District where Bristol is situated. He was therefore invited to the Gala Dinner, and the Reception beforehand.  At 6.30 there was a sizeable queue forming outside the Reception room, and Joe, the chief steward was finding it difficult keeping control of the throng.  So the event was opened and the DG and I waited to greet everybody as they entered. The original idea was that Lynne and Sharon would also stand with us, but this was abandoned when Sharon needed to sit down.

                                             Martyn, Jill, Ken and Mukesh

The first in were Jens Erik and Cornelia, followed by Martyn and Jill, Ken, Elaine and Les after which it was first come, first served. I had a great time welcoming people to the reception, kissing the ladies and being generally full of bonhomie. Obviously I don’t know everybiody, and some people clearly wondered who I was, until I explained. A few greeted me with ‘Hello there’ and we all know what that means, don’t we? After a short while, the queue was getting longer, and slower to pass through.  The problem was that people wanted to stop and chat to me, and who am I to spoil their chance of speaking to Rotary Royalty. Some of them may never get another chance, so I didn’t want to disappoint. Anyway, the backlog improved when Joe got involved and people started to move quicker.  Once everybody was in, I was able to circulate among the guests, and spent some time comparing Consort notes with Jill Harwood. It was interesting to hear that Martyn was not visiting individual clubs at all, but was getting them organised into zones, so that he could visit several at the same time. In the meantime Sharon and Lynne seemed to be enjoying themselves working the room, and Tony and Richard looked a bit uncomfortable in their brand new Dinner suits. The time went too quickly before we were summoned into the Conference Hall, which was now transformed into a Ballroom.

                                                Don't mess with Richard and Tony, 'The Management'

The DG’s party were held back, as we were entering the room to the tumultuous applause of the other guests (or at least that was the plan). Our group constituted the DG and I, Jens Erik and Cornelia, Sharon and Tony, Lynne and Richard, Chris Jenner and Mark Cunnell  (District Rotaract Representative).  As we waited to make our entrance, we psyched ourselves up by doing some high fives and the like. At this point Cornelia joined in with the comment ‘let’s kick their arses’ (at least that’s what I think she said). It wasn’t quite as I would have said it, but I know what she meant.  It was quite a while before the hall was seated, enabling David Thompson, the MC to call us in. We entered the room in order of rank, which meant that I was last in, following closely behind the DG, and what a cheer we got from the assembled throng as we were clapped in (the second time in a month that I have been clapped in to a dinner).

                                            Rhapsody in Blue - Cornelia and Sharon

Once we were seated and the applause had died down, the DG felt it was time for the party to commence. Out came the flying balloons, the party poppers and noise making gadgets. We had the edge over most others, due to the fact the DG had brought some football horns along which made quite a racket when blown. They were only rivalled by Tony Pipe, who on one of the two Aurora tables, manufactured a makeshift wind instrument from a menu card. I don’t know what Jens Erik and Cornelia made of it all, but some were not impressed with the noise, and the DG was actually threatened by Brand Richey with a jug of cold water down her back if she didn’t desist blowing that damn horn. She didn’t desist and got wet as a result.

                                           David Williams, Peter and Ann McDonough and Julia Jelly

Things calmed down a little as the food arrived and I was pleased that the menu we had chosen some weeks ago was going down well with the diners. The starter was a salmon medley, including salmon mousse and gravadlax (rather a smaller portion than I remember from the tasting), followed by a mini roast lamb joint, then chocolate mousse.  During the meal, Doreen and Pauline had organised a raffle whereby every diner had an envelope in front of them with 5 raffle tickets in it. We were invited to buy these tickets for £5. This seemed to elicit a good response. The aim of the raffle was to raise money towards the Rotary End Polio Now campaign, with a target being set of £1140, being the number of our District. The marvellous thing is that, with the Bill Gates Challenge, every £ raised by Rotary towards the Polio campaign will be tripled by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. In the event, the raffle actually made £1500, meaning that the Charity receives £4,500.


After coffee was served, the DG decided she wanted to visit the toilet before the entertainment started, which was in the form of a comedian by the name of Ian Richards. It was quite a trek to the accessible bathroom, and by the time we got back to the ballroom, the comedian had started!  As  anyone knows, one thing you must never do when a comedian is on stage, is arrive late. They can make the walk to your table very embarrassing indeed , as they heap jokes and insults on you. On this occasion, it was not too bad, as he seemed to have been briefed as to who the DG was and was relatively kind to us as we returned to our seats. Certain other members of the audience were not so fortunate, including Jens Erik, who was struggling with the comedian’s range of accents, and said afterwards that he only understood about 70% of what had been said. In Cornelia’s case I fear it may have been less than that. Unfortunately, in view of their position at the head of the top table, they were in his line of fire from the outset. Ian Richards was very funny indeed, treading the fine line between what was acceptable and what wasn’t with great skill. I suspect that his act could be very different indeed in front of a different audience. As I looked around the room, Julia Jelly didn’t look very amused with some of his jokes, but then she laughed at other times. Poor Peter McDonough was the butt of a few ‘ageist’ gags, but took it all in good heart, which is really all you can do. Even Lynne and Richard didn’t escape his attention, as he heaped scorn on their assertion that Braintree was in East Anglia.

                                           Bill Gates Challenge?  I marry one beautiful sister and get three

The night finished with dancing to ‘The Johnny Brewer Sound’, or in other words a disco run by John Brewer. John impressed me in Jersey last year, with his ability to notice what keeps people on the dance floor, and keep on playing it, and he didn’t disappoint this time either. I am always amazed at the number of apparently experienced DJs who seem unable to grasp this simple concept.

                                       Jens Erik and Cornelia on the dance floor - it must be Abba playing

As usual the evening finished in the bar, and this time a group of us (The DG had gone to bed earlier) had the satisfaction of being thrown out at 2 a.m.  Well, not literally. I thought the barmaid put it very nicely when she came over just before 2 o’clock and said ‘Do you have any last orders?’ We got the message without anything else being said.